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No really...pun intended

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By Angye Morrison

I get a kick out of puns. Good ones. Not the really sad attempts that are just plain dumb. I like the clever ones that you have to think about a bit.

So I thought this week, I’d share some of my favorites. Please...to enjoy.

• The famous general died and his ashes were to be taken to Arlington National Cemetery. All the air lines were booked and there were no other planes available. Someone came up with the idea of using a helicopter. It arrived at 5 a.m. The newspapers reported the incident with "the whirly bird gets the urn."

• A Babylonian general was declared a traitor for leading a revolt. He escaped the night before he was to be executed and hid in an old Babylonian ziggurat (temple) where he expected to find some of his associates. Not finding them, he began to burn the papers they had left and was immediately recaptured. Moral of the story : The searchin' general has determined that smoking ziggurats may be hazardous to your stealth.

• Explorer Leif Ericson returned from his voyage to the new world only to find that his name had been removed from the town register. He complained at the town meeting, viewing it as a slight. The town official immediately apologized, saying he must have taken Leif off his census.

• Back in the 1800s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products and, since they already made the cases for pocket watches, decided to market compasses for the pioneers traveling west. It turned out that although their watches were of finest quality, their compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California. This, of course, is the origin of the expression, "He who has a Tates is lost!"

• A guy goes to his dentist complaining that something feels very wrong in his mouth. The dentist takes a look and shakes his head saying, "That new upper plate I put in for you 6 months ago is completely disintegrated. Something has eroded it almost completely away. What have you been eating?"

The fellow replies, "Well, all I can think of is that about 4 months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it she called Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much that now I eat it on everything!"

"Well," said the dentist, "that's the answer. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice which is highly corrosive and that has eaten away your upper plate. I'll have to make you a new one and this time I'd better make it out of chrome." "Why chrome?" asked the patient.To which the dentist replied, "It's simple. Everyone knows there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"

Hope you enjoyed these...they certainly gave me a good chuckle. And it’s always good to take time in each day to laugh...it is, after all, the best medicine!

E-mail your comments and suggestions to me at editor@gadcotimes.com.