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Allegedly Speaking

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By Angye Morrison

If you read this column regularly, you know I’m a Facebook fanatic. I check it throughout the day, and enjoy keeping up with friends and family through its use tremendously.

Last week, some of my FB friends posted that they were already putting up their Christmas decorations. I was horrified. It’s not even Thanksgiving yet, and you’re moving on to Christmas? How dare you?

But then, it started me thinking about Christmas. And that started me thinking about what I’ve learned from Santa Claus. And from the jolliest elf himself, I’ve learned the following:

• Encourage people to believe in you.

• Always remember who’s naughty and who’s nice.

• It’s more fun to give than to receive.

• It’s OK to feel a little chubby sometimes.

• Bright red looks good on everyone.

• Show up only once a year and people will perceive you to be much more imporant than you are.

• Whenever you’re at a loss for words, just laugh, real hearty-like.

I also started thinking about fruit cake. It’s not something I enjoy eating, however, a lot of folks look forward to it this time of year. I’m convinced there’s only one fruitcake in the world, and we just keep regifting the thing, because no one really wants to receive one.

So I thought of a few uses for fruit cake...

• Slice it up and use it to balance that wobbly kitchen table.

• Send to the Air Force to be used as air bombs.

• Use them as speed bumps.

• Use the slices for skeet shooting.

• Use during hurricane season instead of sand bags...I hear fruit cake is really absorbent.

• Use a slice as a pin cushion.

Enjoy your Thanksgiving holiday this week. I hope you’re able to spend it with your loved ones, and that you’ll savor more than just the candied yams...savor the time spent together.

E-mail your comments and suggestions to me at editor@gadcotimes.com.